Thanks so much for this post, Jen. It’s honestly a relief for someone else to say this out loud — I’ve thought it to myself, but even questioned it within my own mind... I DO enjoy a lot of what research allows/offers (choosing my own projects, thinking deeply about big ideas, etc.) but have been struggling with the “business” side of it — getting pubs out quickly, being strategic about journal outlets and citations, etc. It’s exhausting.
And on the other hand, I feel such a deep sense of purpose around my teaching, and I can really feel the tangible impact I am having. No wonder I’d rather think about/work on my classes! It feels both easier and more rewarding. I am already good at it, and the path to becoming a better teacher is clear. I actually pivoted during my PhD to doing research on education in my field, and that’s been a really wonderful way to bring two worlds together. But the actual hammering together of papers over timeframes that I have to really push myself on, and even finding the path to becoming ‘better’ at this… it’s honestly hard to stay motivated on that side of this work for me.
I am ‘new’ at this — I’m in my first year on the TT and it is also my first year post-PhD — so I still remain hopeful that I can figure out how to make research work for me. I’ve been working with Kate Henry one-on-one to try to set a sustainable pace and figure out how I work best. And I have proclaimed loudly that if I can’t achieve tenure without sacrificing my health and wellbeing on its alter, I don’t want it anyway. But it is soooo hard to resist the siren song of working to burnout to achieve the clear external bench mark. I wish I had a snappy conclusion to come to, some wisdom to offer here! But more than anything, I’m just very grateful that you opened this conversation. You put words to something I didn’t put realize I needed to talk about.
So glad you can identify, Meaghan! Yes, I do enjoy research as well, and I was afraid that people might read this as if I didn't. That's not the case. I just think I would have leaned more into teaching and mentoring if I hadn't been under the same pressure to produce. I think I might have approached it in a more well-rounded way.
I'm also so glad to hear you're working with Kate Henry! I love her approach, and I know that others have found it really useful as well.
I earned tenure Spring 2023 and reached a point of burn out at the same time--something I've heard is quite common. Your post really resonates with me, because it was returning to my core values (something I kept reading about over and over when reading about burnout). This is something that I continue to explore. It led me to actually give up on a book project last year, one that I was enjoying less and less. I'm still trying to find my next "big project" (and being okay with having smaller projects in the meantime--if there even is a meantime (these small projects might be just fine)), and having this strategy of articulating and returning to my core values has been so helpful.
Thanks so much for sharing, Monica! I've heard that people go through this post-tenure and it's reassuring to actually hear that from folks. I'm glad to hear that going back to your core values have been helpful for you, because that seems to be what has been most useful for me. It's disorienting, but also liberating at the same time!
Great post! This is how I felt too - as an academic, I was doing all the right things and I would have got tenure had I kept going. It's easy to fall into the trap of academic goal bagging and bean counting. But I knew I wasn't getting any real satisfaction from it because those were not my values.
Good luck to anyone reading this on the tenure-track - it is a great gig if it is in alignment with your values. Any job is.
Thanks so much for this post, Jen. It’s honestly a relief for someone else to say this out loud — I’ve thought it to myself, but even questioned it within my own mind... I DO enjoy a lot of what research allows/offers (choosing my own projects, thinking deeply about big ideas, etc.) but have been struggling with the “business” side of it — getting pubs out quickly, being strategic about journal outlets and citations, etc. It’s exhausting.
And on the other hand, I feel such a deep sense of purpose around my teaching, and I can really feel the tangible impact I am having. No wonder I’d rather think about/work on my classes! It feels both easier and more rewarding. I am already good at it, and the path to becoming a better teacher is clear. I actually pivoted during my PhD to doing research on education in my field, and that’s been a really wonderful way to bring two worlds together. But the actual hammering together of papers over timeframes that I have to really push myself on, and even finding the path to becoming ‘better’ at this… it’s honestly hard to stay motivated on that side of this work for me.
I am ‘new’ at this — I’m in my first year on the TT and it is also my first year post-PhD — so I still remain hopeful that I can figure out how to make research work for me. I’ve been working with Kate Henry one-on-one to try to set a sustainable pace and figure out how I work best. And I have proclaimed loudly that if I can’t achieve tenure without sacrificing my health and wellbeing on its alter, I don’t want it anyway. But it is soooo hard to resist the siren song of working to burnout to achieve the clear external bench mark. I wish I had a snappy conclusion to come to, some wisdom to offer here! But more than anything, I’m just very grateful that you opened this conversation. You put words to something I didn’t put realize I needed to talk about.
So glad you can identify, Meaghan! Yes, I do enjoy research as well, and I was afraid that people might read this as if I didn't. That's not the case. I just think I would have leaned more into teaching and mentoring if I hadn't been under the same pressure to produce. I think I might have approached it in a more well-rounded way.
I'm also so glad to hear you're working with Kate Henry! I love her approach, and I know that others have found it really useful as well.
In the writing circle this past week, someone brought up this post that you might identify with as well. The author decided to treat the TT as just 7 years and that they would do all the things they really wanted to during those years without worrying about what comes after. How freeing! https://www.scientificamerican.com/blog/guest-blog/the-awesomest-7-year-postdoc-or-how-i-learned-to-stop-worrying-and-love-the-tenure-track-faculty-life/
Didn’t quite** realize! :)
This resonates with me so much too, Jenn. Thank you for putting the experience into words. I think I need to forward this to my therapist 😅
I'm so glad to hear this resonates, Liz! I can't imagine we are the only ones...in fact, I know for a fact that we are not!
All of this! So good to reflect and consider how and why and is it intrinsic or not. Never a clear answer. I’m enjoying what you’re doing now!
Thanks so much, Kate! I appreciate the affirmation!
I earned tenure Spring 2023 and reached a point of burn out at the same time--something I've heard is quite common. Your post really resonates with me, because it was returning to my core values (something I kept reading about over and over when reading about burnout). This is something that I continue to explore. It led me to actually give up on a book project last year, one that I was enjoying less and less. I'm still trying to find my next "big project" (and being okay with having smaller projects in the meantime--if there even is a meantime (these small projects might be just fine)), and having this strategy of articulating and returning to my core values has been so helpful.
Thanks so much for sharing, Monica! I've heard that people go through this post-tenure and it's reassuring to actually hear that from folks. I'm glad to hear that going back to your core values have been helpful for you, because that seems to be what has been most useful for me. It's disorienting, but also liberating at the same time!
Great post! This is how I felt too - as an academic, I was doing all the right things and I would have got tenure had I kept going. It's easy to fall into the trap of academic goal bagging and bean counting. But I knew I wasn't getting any real satisfaction from it because those were not my values.
Good luck to anyone reading this on the tenure-track - it is a great gig if it is in alignment with your values. Any job is.