Stop Waiting for that Big Break

Success is a Game of Inches Rather than Big Fellowships

Photo by Levi Meir Clancy on Unsplash

I spent the first couple years of my PhD program waiting for my big break. Taking graduate classes while teaching my own classes or TAing each term, in my estimation, left me with insufficient time to complete my dissertation and publish research. The only way out seemed to be to win a fellowship that would pay me to write for a semester or year. A year-long fellowship to just write was, in my mind, the ultimate big break and the key to unlocking my career in academia.

I spent countless hours researching, applying for, and waiting to see if I would get my big break, which would finally allow me to just write. Days became weeks, weeks became months, and months became years. Despite my best efforts, that coveted fellowship eluded me. Time ticked by as the “we regret to inform yous” just kept rolling in. I couldn't help but feel that I was merely treading water, waiting for my big break to arrive.

I have previously written about my many rejections in this career:

Indeed, my CV of rejections is much longer than the one I present to the world. I’ve been rejected from hundreds of academic jobs, fellowships, grants, and awards thus far in my career. My writing has been given an “honorable mention” or a place on a top paper panel, but always remains a bridesmaid and never the bride. I’ve been waitlisted for a national fellowship, but never awarded one. I’ve been the runner-up in a job that I was heartbroken to lose.  

While in graduate school, I honestly believed that the only way I could be a successful academic—which to me meant being published and getting a tenure-track job—was to secure unrestricted time to write through a fellowship. So, I waited and waited and waited for the big break to come. I became obsessed with the notion that this singular accomplishment was the sole determinant of my future success.

Well, dear readers, I am pleased to announce…

Photo by Lee Pigott on Unsplash